run. - Thanks for sharing your run with me.
Over the past month or so, running has been a challenge for me for various reasons. Recently, I decided to take a break from Without Limits, and it was a very difficult decision for me to make. My weekly mileage has drastically decreased, but I'm slowly getting back to the pavement.
Life has been slapping me in the face lately. Chronic sinus infections, allergic reactions, exercise induced asthma, issues with my immune system, anxiety and sporadic moments of depression, and moments of questioning my path have taken a toll on me physically and emotionally. Pretending to be fine and okay all the time gets exhausting. Pretending to be fine and ok because you feel you need to be strong in order to make everyone else happy is crippling. Eventually, it all starts taking a toll on your heart, mind, body, and spirit. Then, you come to this realization that all the pretending to be strong and ok and fine just screams how weak you really are, and those who really know you and who really love you call you out on it. The calling out hurts. It hurts so bad, because you know they're right and realize how much pretending to be strong has really hurt them more in the process. So, not only am I hurting deep at the core so are the ones I love...and I am the catalyst.
During all of this, running had become just another "to do" on the list of things I had to do to please people. I had to please my running coach and follow my running plan and attend practices. I had to live up to people's perspective of me being "a runner." I had to live up to my own expectation of being "a better runner." Eventually, running became a chore for me rather than a pleasurable stress reliever. Going for a run had become another dreadful responsibility, and I was depleted.
Almost two weeks ago, I swallowed my pride and made the decision to take a break from running practices and training. I made the decision to allow myself to only run when I wanted to....I allowed myself to run on my own terms, because running is for me not for everyone else. So, I emailed my coach feeling guilty, feeling like a quitter, and feeling like I was letting yet another person down. When he responded he said, "Please take care of YOU before you try to leap over the canyon looking for a stronger you!" Not to feed his ego...but he is so right. I can't be strong for others if I'm not strong enough for myself first.
I've ran a few times over the past two weeks, and I've allowed myself to go at a happy pace. I've not only allowed my body to run free, but I've allowed my mind to run free too. On Saturday, I met up with a group of ladies to run. Two of them are regular running partners. However, I had never met Diane before. Renee and Mandy were on a mission to get 14 miles in. I was on a mission to run as long as I felt I needed to feel good about life again. So, Diane and I ended up running 8 miles together. Though our ages have some space, we had some things in common. Diane was a special education teacher for 21 years, so right then we connected on another level. We conversed nearly our entire run. She shared with me her running journey and how it had gotten her over some obstacles in life. Running boasted her self-confidence and self-worth. Running set her free...just as running has set me free over the years.
There's something special about the freedom long runs give you. There's something special about the long distance runner. There's something special about the relationships you build on those long runs with other runners. It's really inexplicable, and it's so special that most people will never experience it in their lifetime. All of the people I've had the opportunity to run the distance with have impacted my life more than they could ever imagine. There is this bond unlike other bonds, maybe it's the stinky, dripping, sweaty smell we exude, regardless, all of these people are beautiful and amazing.
After my 8 mile run Saturday, I mentioned it on Facebook. Diane replied, "Thank you for sharing your run with me." Well, thank you to all the people who have shared their run with me. You have touched my life and made it brighter.
Life has been slapping me in the face lately. Chronic sinus infections, allergic reactions, exercise induced asthma, issues with my immune system, anxiety and sporadic moments of depression, and moments of questioning my path have taken a toll on me physically and emotionally. Pretending to be fine and okay all the time gets exhausting. Pretending to be fine and ok because you feel you need to be strong in order to make everyone else happy is crippling. Eventually, it all starts taking a toll on your heart, mind, body, and spirit. Then, you come to this realization that all the pretending to be strong and ok and fine just screams how weak you really are, and those who really know you and who really love you call you out on it. The calling out hurts. It hurts so bad, because you know they're right and realize how much pretending to be strong has really hurt them more in the process. So, not only am I hurting deep at the core so are the ones I love...and I am the catalyst.
During all of this, running had become just another "to do" on the list of things I had to do to please people. I had to please my running coach and follow my running plan and attend practices. I had to live up to people's perspective of me being "a runner." I had to live up to my own expectation of being "a better runner." Eventually, running became a chore for me rather than a pleasurable stress reliever. Going for a run had become another dreadful responsibility, and I was depleted.
Almost two weeks ago, I swallowed my pride and made the decision to take a break from running practices and training. I made the decision to allow myself to only run when I wanted to....I allowed myself to run on my own terms, because running is for me not for everyone else. So, I emailed my coach feeling guilty, feeling like a quitter, and feeling like I was letting yet another person down. When he responded he said, "Please take care of YOU before you try to leap over the canyon looking for a stronger you!" Not to feed his ego...but he is so right. I can't be strong for others if I'm not strong enough for myself first.
I've ran a few times over the past two weeks, and I've allowed myself to go at a happy pace. I've not only allowed my body to run free, but I've allowed my mind to run free too. On Saturday, I met up with a group of ladies to run. Two of them are regular running partners. However, I had never met Diane before. Renee and Mandy were on a mission to get 14 miles in. I was on a mission to run as long as I felt I needed to feel good about life again. So, Diane and I ended up running 8 miles together. Though our ages have some space, we had some things in common. Diane was a special education teacher for 21 years, so right then we connected on another level. We conversed nearly our entire run. She shared with me her running journey and how it had gotten her over some obstacles in life. Running boasted her self-confidence and self-worth. Running set her free...just as running has set me free over the years.
There's something special about the freedom long runs give you. There's something special about the long distance runner. There's something special about the relationships you build on those long runs with other runners. It's really inexplicable, and it's so special that most people will never experience it in their lifetime. All of the people I've had the opportunity to run the distance with have impacted my life more than they could ever imagine. There is this bond unlike other bonds, maybe it's the stinky, dripping, sweaty smell we exude, regardless, all of these people are beautiful and amazing.
After my 8 mile run Saturday, I mentioned it on Facebook. Diane replied, "Thank you for sharing your run with me." Well, thank you to all the people who have shared their run with me. You have touched my life and made it brighter.
All of these things have been a struggle for me. Thank you for sharing your heart. It helps me to not feel so alone :)
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