run. pray. - The Disappointment of Yesterday, Doesn't Define Today
Yesterday, I ran in my first half marathon since October. I've been training for it and had my hopes up for a PR (personal record). I've been working so hard to improve my strength and speed, and I've been successful. I'm no elite athlete, but I'm consistently running right under 10 minute miles on my long runs, and on shorter runs I've maintained the low 9s and a lot of times under 9 minute miles. I've been pretty proud of myself, so I had my hopes up for a PR yesterday.
The past year has been a tough one for me in regards to my health. I've been sick a lot. Within the past year, I've had the flu twice, 5 or more sinus infections, an immune deficiency, regular nausea, fairly constant hip and low back pain, extreme bloating that makes me look pregnant, and many other weird and disgusting things. Much of the bloating and nausea I've blamed on IBS flare ups - until they got worse than they ever had. It has been enough to make me feel like a crazy, hypochondriac. Finally, I got myself to a doctor with a long list of my ailments. To my relief, there is an underlying problem - I'm not a crazy, hypochondriac. It isn't cancer. It isn't deadly. But, it is something that will need to be addressed and treated. So, Thursday, I have an appointment with my doctor and will hopefully get more guidance and answers.
I share all of that in order to share this: the road to improving as a runner and person has been really challenging lately, but I've done it. I've improved and persevered through it all. I haven't given up the fight. I'm still standing - tall.
This past week, the nausea has been frequent and pretty significant. I've not been able to eat much. I've felt like vomiting every few hours or minutes. I've had to put a smile on my face and go to work and teach elementary kids in the midst of it all. My low back hurts so bad by the end of the day that I fall asleep on a heating pad every night. But, I've pushed through, and I've persevered.
Friday night, I picked up my race packet and did everything right. I had been hydrating properly for days. I ate a high protein dinner with complex carbs. I went to bed early. I force fed myself a small breakfast Saturday morning. I forced myself to have a hydration pre-run drink. I used the bathroom numerous times before heading to the race. The nausea was there, but I kept telling myself it would go away once I got going. I put a smile on and got excited and off I went.
At 7:30 a.m., the gun fired and the race started. I was running with a friend and thought I'd let her pace us. After two miles, the nausea started to increase. So, I slowed my pace and let my friend go off into the distance. I put my headphones in and started doing my own thing. I was doing ok. I caught up with the 2:07 pacer and hung on his heels for several miles. Around 5.5 miles, the nausea got even worse, so I started intervals. Walk 30 seconds. Run 2 minutes. A fellow runner saw my shirt and asked me about the Yellowstone Half. He is running it this summer. We chatted for a few minutes as he took my mind off the pain, and on I went. I've got this I kept saying.
At mile 6, I texted my husband to tell him I had 7 miles to go. Around mile 7.5, I saw some running friends heading the opposite direction on their weekly run. It was refreshing to see them. It made me forget about the pain for a few more minutes. By the time, I reached mile 8 I was struggling. The pain had intensified dramatically and with every hit of the pavement the sicker I got. So, I stopped to walk and called Matt. "Stay near you phone. I may need you to come get me," I said - trying to hold back the tears. Just then, a couple ladies came by and started talking to me about my shirt. I answered their questions while I was on the phone with Matt and there they went pass me.
I hung up the phone - gave myself another pep talk - and started my intervals again. I caught up with the ladies and apologized for being so short. I walked alongside them and chatted about Yellowstone for a few minutes until the 2:15 pacer passed us. Then, I started up my intervals again. By mile 9, I was cringing in pain.
I stopped at the caboose, which was located only about 3.5 miles from the finish line, and sat down. Deep breaths. Deep breaths. I texted two other friends who were running the race and were a little behind me. They were almost to the caboose, so I waited. They walked with me for a bit. Then, we jogged for a bit. Then, we walked. I started to feel really cold and chills went up my arms. So, I put my long sleeve shirt back on. The 2:30 pacer went strolling by, so they wanted to run. I couldn't possibly make it 3 more miles, so I said goodbye to them and walked another quarter mile to meet Matt. He took me home and did everything in his power to comfort me.
I sat in his truck under a blanket in excruciating pain. Disappointment saturated me. I was pushing through, and I had to give up 3.5 miles away from the finish. By the time we arrived home, I was cold, afflicted, and all I could feel were pebbles in my abdomen and a brick in my stomach.
Yesterday was a long day. The mission for a PR was aborted. The mission for just finishing was aborted. I wasn't able to overcome. I had to give up.
At the end of the day, as I sat drinking my Blenheim Ginger Ale and eating my Club crackers at 3:00 in the afternoon - the first time I was able to get anything into my body since 5:45 a.m. and after running 9.5 miles - I realized how blessed I was to be sitting at home and not in a hospital. I realized how blessed I was to have a husband who loved me enough to comfort me and to take care of me and tell me how proud he was of me. I realized how blessed I was to have a mom to tell me she loved me and would come take care of me if I needed her. I realized how blessed I was to have a community of running friends to support me in a time of need. I realized how blessed I was to have a body that could carry me to the finish line of any race - and how blessed I was to have the courage to listen to it when it was telling me to stop.
Yesterday's disappointing events do not define my future. If anything, it will drive me to rest when my body needs rest and work harder than ever when my body can. I will reach my PR goal - yesterday's disappointments will not stop me. I will keep running and take life's challenges one day at a time.
#myhealthisworthit #iamblessed #icantbestopped
The past year has been a tough one for me in regards to my health. I've been sick a lot. Within the past year, I've had the flu twice, 5 or more sinus infections, an immune deficiency, regular nausea, fairly constant hip and low back pain, extreme bloating that makes me look pregnant, and many other weird and disgusting things. Much of the bloating and nausea I've blamed on IBS flare ups - until they got worse than they ever had. It has been enough to make me feel like a crazy, hypochondriac. Finally, I got myself to a doctor with a long list of my ailments. To my relief, there is an underlying problem - I'm not a crazy, hypochondriac. It isn't cancer. It isn't deadly. But, it is something that will need to be addressed and treated. So, Thursday, I have an appointment with my doctor and will hopefully get more guidance and answers.
I share all of that in order to share this: the road to improving as a runner and person has been really challenging lately, but I've done it. I've improved and persevered through it all. I haven't given up the fight. I'm still standing - tall.
This past week, the nausea has been frequent and pretty significant. I've not been able to eat much. I've felt like vomiting every few hours or minutes. I've had to put a smile on my face and go to work and teach elementary kids in the midst of it all. My low back hurts so bad by the end of the day that I fall asleep on a heating pad every night. But, I've pushed through, and I've persevered.
Friday night, I picked up my race packet and did everything right. I had been hydrating properly for days. I ate a high protein dinner with complex carbs. I went to bed early. I force fed myself a small breakfast Saturday morning. I forced myself to have a hydration pre-run drink. I used the bathroom numerous times before heading to the race. The nausea was there, but I kept telling myself it would go away once I got going. I put a smile on and got excited and off I went.
At 7:30 a.m., the gun fired and the race started. I was running with a friend and thought I'd let her pace us. After two miles, the nausea started to increase. So, I slowed my pace and let my friend go off into the distance. I put my headphones in and started doing my own thing. I was doing ok. I caught up with the 2:07 pacer and hung on his heels for several miles. Around 5.5 miles, the nausea got even worse, so I started intervals. Walk 30 seconds. Run 2 minutes. A fellow runner saw my shirt and asked me about the Yellowstone Half. He is running it this summer. We chatted for a few minutes as he took my mind off the pain, and on I went. I've got this I kept saying.
At mile 6, I texted my husband to tell him I had 7 miles to go. Around mile 7.5, I saw some running friends heading the opposite direction on their weekly run. It was refreshing to see them. It made me forget about the pain for a few more minutes. By the time, I reached mile 8 I was struggling. The pain had intensified dramatically and with every hit of the pavement the sicker I got. So, I stopped to walk and called Matt. "Stay near you phone. I may need you to come get me," I said - trying to hold back the tears. Just then, a couple ladies came by and started talking to me about my shirt. I answered their questions while I was on the phone with Matt and there they went pass me.
I hung up the phone - gave myself another pep talk - and started my intervals again. I caught up with the ladies and apologized for being so short. I walked alongside them and chatted about Yellowstone for a few minutes until the 2:15 pacer passed us. Then, I started up my intervals again. By mile 9, I was cringing in pain.
I stopped at the caboose, which was located only about 3.5 miles from the finish line, and sat down. Deep breaths. Deep breaths. I texted two other friends who were running the race and were a little behind me. They were almost to the caboose, so I waited. They walked with me for a bit. Then, we jogged for a bit. Then, we walked. I started to feel really cold and chills went up my arms. So, I put my long sleeve shirt back on. The 2:30 pacer went strolling by, so they wanted to run. I couldn't possibly make it 3 more miles, so I said goodbye to them and walked another quarter mile to meet Matt. He took me home and did everything in his power to comfort me.
I sat in his truck under a blanket in excruciating pain. Disappointment saturated me. I was pushing through, and I had to give up 3.5 miles away from the finish. By the time we arrived home, I was cold, afflicted, and all I could feel were pebbles in my abdomen and a brick in my stomach.
Yesterday was a long day. The mission for a PR was aborted. The mission for just finishing was aborted. I wasn't able to overcome. I had to give up.
At the end of the day, as I sat drinking my Blenheim Ginger Ale and eating my Club crackers at 3:00 in the afternoon - the first time I was able to get anything into my body since 5:45 a.m. and after running 9.5 miles - I realized how blessed I was to be sitting at home and not in a hospital. I realized how blessed I was to have a husband who loved me enough to comfort me and to take care of me and tell me how proud he was of me. I realized how blessed I was to have a mom to tell me she loved me and would come take care of me if I needed her. I realized how blessed I was to have a community of running friends to support me in a time of need. I realized how blessed I was to have a body that could carry me to the finish line of any race - and how blessed I was to have the courage to listen to it when it was telling me to stop.
Yesterday's disappointing events do not define my future. If anything, it will drive me to rest when my body needs rest and work harder than ever when my body can. I will reach my PR goal - yesterday's disappointments will not stop me. I will keep running and take life's challenges one day at a time.
#myhealthisworthit #iamblessed #icantbestopped
Comments
Post a Comment