teach. pray. - Daring Greatly, A Teacher's Perspective

Yesterday, as I was driving to Hobby Lobby (that place is dangerous) to purchase things for my new classroom, I was listening to a podcast (I LOVE podcasts) and Oprah was interviewing Dr. Brenee Brown for Supersoul Sunday. I'm addicted to Brenee Brown, Liz Gilbert, Rob Bell, Cheryl Strayed, Glennon Doyle Melton...I just connect with these people when I hear them speak and read their writings. It's like I'm meant to be in their circle. They make me feel not so alone in this great big scary world. Anyway, this interview resonated with me. Dr. Brenee Brown has spent over a decade studying vulnerability and shame. Her research is fascinating and incredibly insightful. Since I was in the teacher frame of mind, I found a lot of this podcast resonating with me as a teacher, however, it will also be applied to my non-teacher life.

“Perfectionism is a self destructive and addictive belief system that fuels this primary thought: If I look perfect, and do everything perfectly, I can avoid or minimize the painful feelings of shame, judgment, and blame.”

Hi, my name is Nadia, and I'm a recovering perfectionist.

That stress about work-the stress and anxiety that makes me question my career choice-it's all fueled by this addiction to perfectionism. When I walk into that classroom each day, I do not give myself space to stumble or fall or fail. I expect myself to successfully reach and teach every single child I come in contact with. I expect myself to change every single little life I'm given the opportunity to be part of. Each day that I walk into the school building with these expectations for myself, I am setting myself up for failure.

Perfection doesn't exist in any realm of human life, and it especially doesn't exist in education. The problem is my belief that is does. The problem is other people's belief that it does. Often times, I find myself expecting perfection because I feel like every one around me is expecting it from me too. Your classroom should look like this. These anchor charts should be displayed here for this long or there for that long. Test scores should be here. Behaviors should be like this. Lessons need to be engaging and differentiated and hands on and technology inclusive. Reading should be taught like this or that. Writing should be taught this way today and that way tomorrow. State standards, common core standards, state standards. Student learning objectives should be close to 100% but not 100%, because then it looks like you didn't set the goals high enough. What the hell, y'all?

We teach our students it's ok to make mistakes as long as we learn from them. We teach them it's ok to fail, because those failures are what help us grow. We give our students grace. Why aren't we giving ourselves and each other more grace?

Until I let go of perfectionism and deal with the fact that there will be days that I suck as a teacher and there will be days that I stumble and fall and fail, I will continue to be stressed out and anxiety ridden, because I'm holding myself to a Godly expectation that doesn't exist in humanity. I must learn to provide OTHERS with some grace, and rather than judging them when they fail, I should be helping them up, brushing them off, and telling them it's ok, because the upcoming second is a new beginning. I must learn to provide MYSELF with some grace, and rather than judging myself when I fail, I should be standing back up, brushing it off, and telling myself it's ok, because the upcoming second is a new beginning.

Failure or the feeling of not living up to expectations is shameful, and in times of shame, we like to blame others. I like to blame a broken system for all the kids that I can't reach. I like to blame all the demands put on me from the district and state level when I'm feeling overwhelmed. Maybe these things are some part of the problem, but the real problem is my perception of perfectionism. I must learn to see things as they truly are and not stack them against what I see as perfect. It will break me if I continue to do so.

Grace. I promise to give myself more of it, not only at work, but in all areas of my life.

"Unused creativity isn't benign. It metastasizes."

Writing has always been my preferred way of communication. It's a way for me to express my true, raw, and honest feelings in a more eloquent way. I'm not a good speaker. I clam up when tough conversations are broached. I fumble over words and can't find the best vocabulary for the situation. I sweat and get nervous. But, give me time to reflect and write a response, and you'll get a straight from the heart and soul response.

I have always been one to keep a journal. I started keeping one in elementary school and haven't stopped since. When I started teaching, I got so consumed with my teacher life and my own inner life issues that writing slowly ceased to exist in my life. For several years, I basically stopped writing. I'd journal once or twice a week, but it wasn't a daily habit. And, sometimes, months would pass without any entries. What I realize now is writing daily would've made my teacher life and inner life issues a lot easier to cope with and overcome.

Last year, I felt this void in my heart, and I was having a hard time figuring out how to fill it. Then, I looked through one of my journals and realized I had written in it maybe six times that year. My heart was longing for an outlet, a creative outlet. So, I picked up my journal and started writing again. I started by writing three positives about my day. Eventually, that led to more writing which led me to start a blog. It has changed my life.

Think about all the unused creativity sitting inside the students in a school building. Writing is not about creativity anymore in school. It's about analyzing literary texts. Yes, analytical skills are important. But, honestly, how often do we write analytical pieces about literature outside of school or college? It's no wonder kids get to the fifth grade with a hate for writing. The creativity has been stolen. They are expected to sit in their seats quietly all day. The arts are essential for maintaining a balanced and healthy life. We need to be creating more and complaining less about test scores.

Create. I promise to allow myself time to create through writing or whatever means I feel called to create through. I promise to allow my students to find their creative channel, because they are more than a standardized test score.

Then, there's the quote that inspired Dr. Brenee Brown's book, Daring Greatly.

“It is not the critic who counts: not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles or where the doer of deeds could have done better.  The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood, who strives valiantly, who errs and comes up short again and again, because there is no effort without error or shortcoming, but who knows the great enthusiasms, the great devotions, who spends himself for a worthy cause; who, at the best, knows, in the end, the triumph of high achievement, and who, at the worst, if he fails, at least he fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who knew neither victory nor defeat.”

Teddy Roosevelt, speaking at the Sorbonne in Paris, April 23, 1910

This my friends is the perfect comeback for all those politicians, lawmakers, and people telling us (teachers) that we are failing. They are only critics. They are not marred by dust and sweat and blood. They are not in the arena with us fighting when a student comes in hungry, dirty, frightened, anxious, depressed, homeless, sick, angry, embarrassed, heartbroken, abused, shattered. They do not see the struggle these kids live through on a day to day basis. Sometimes, a student's biggest victory is making it to school that day.

I will set high expectations for my students, but they will be achievable, and I will give them grace. My students will know the importance of creativity, because they deserve that outlet, and I will provide them time for low stakes creativity. I will show up every day for a worthy cause with enthusiasm and with a fight, but I will also give myself grace. I will dare greatly every moment I spend with my kids, because I refuse to sit in a place with cold timid souls who define my kids' success by a test score. I am better than that.

I will create student success with grace while daring greatly.