pray. - The Institution of Marriage
On Thursday, my sister, Paige, and I took a road trip to Washington, D.C. to visit our cousin, April (April was in my last Yellowstone post), and my friend, Casha. It was a long drive in heavy traffic from South Carolina to Maryland. Though, we all had a little too much fun, the conversations and interactions I had on this trip struck several chords in my heart.
1. I would never want to live in D.C. I'm more of a small town girl than I once thought. The traffic is awful and the cost of living is absolutely absurd.
2. I LOVE D.C. at the same time, because it is a city of diversity and culture. When you walk into Costco, it isn't bursting at the rim with white people. It's a mixed pot of every cultural background. It's truly a rainbow of humans living together in one place, and in my eyes, that is beautiful. The only way to make it more beautiful would be to say, it's truly a rainbow of humans living together in peace, unfortunately, that isn't the reality of any city in our world at this moment in time.
3. At one point in time, I was standing outside of April's apartment with her Ethiopian friend having a conversation with our Georgian (Russia) Uber driver about the racial and prejudice divides we are surrounded by. This conversation meant the world to me, because the three of us are from different "worlds" and our minds and hearts have had such diverse experiences, yet we were able to speak respectfully to one another and truly listen to one another, and in the end, we were able to hug one another.
4. This statement was made to me which later sparked a conversation that has inspired this post. "I do not believe in marriage, because it is an institution." So, here it goes - my goal is to steer clear of politics and religion as much as possible and to explain what "The Institution of Marriage" means to me, because honestly, I have never thought of marriage as being an institution until this statement was audible.
According to the Merriam-Webster dictionary, institution means: an established organization; a place where an organization takes care of people for a usually long period of time; a custom, practice, or law that is accepted and used by many people. So, yea, I suppose by definition marriage is an institution. But, it's a LAME definition. It is so much more than that.
Growing up, I witnessed unhealthy marriages throughout my entire life, not just in my own home, but in the homes of my extended family and the homes of my friends. I grew up witnessing the exact definition of "institutionalized" marriage. So much so that as a young adult, I never wanted to get married. I always told my family and friends I'd be single forever, and that model and definition of institutionalized marriage I grew up witnessing was the reason why. I didn't know that at the time. But, after this weekend, I know that I was actually afraid of "the institution of marriage" and not actually afraid of marriage.
Yes, marriage is an established organization between two people. Yes, marriage is an organization where two people take care of each other for a usually long period of time. Yes, marriage is a custom, practice, or law that is accepted and used by many people. But, as I said before, it's so much more than that. In all of those definitions, marriage is breakable. Organizations can be broken. Customs, practices, and laws can be broken. Organizations, customs, practices, and laws can be defaced, disrespected, and devalued. I grew up exposed to broken institutions of marriage - not marriage.
Marriage is sacred. At times, it's sacrifice. Marriage is work. At times, it's easy work and at others it's hard work. Marriage is a pot of emotions and ups and downs. Marriage is friendship made between two kindred spirits. It is understanding and honesty. It is disagreements and teamwork. Marriage is deep rooted, connected at the soul kind of love that inspires you daily to be better. Marriage is far more than a definition of institution, and if it's treated as an institution it can and probably will fail. Institution erases the emotional commitment.
Emotional commitment is why I chose to add his last name to my family's name. I respect and value Matt and his love for me to the extent that I was willing to sacrifice Nadia Shannon Alley and become Nadia Alley Granger. Changing my legal name was a symbol of unity. It was a bridge built to connect our families, because we made the choice to connect our lives.
Society has lost sight/hold of emotional connection between human beings. We've lost sight of that sacred unity. We've gotten lazy, and instead of working hard to build something that is bigger than us, we're taking the easy way out and demolishing bridges that connect us rather than repairing them.
One of my best friends gave a toast at our wedding. She stated, "Nadia and Matt I'm so pleased to tell you that now you're the love role models. For your sisters, for your nieces and nephews, for anyone whose life you touch even infinitesimally. They will see it immediately. All who sees will strive to have the love you have." I pray she is correct. I pray we've broken the cycle of institutional marriage in my family and have set a standard for unbreakable marriage.
1. I would never want to live in D.C. I'm more of a small town girl than I once thought. The traffic is awful and the cost of living is absolutely absurd.
2. I LOVE D.C. at the same time, because it is a city of diversity and culture. When you walk into Costco, it isn't bursting at the rim with white people. It's a mixed pot of every cultural background. It's truly a rainbow of humans living together in one place, and in my eyes, that is beautiful. The only way to make it more beautiful would be to say, it's truly a rainbow of humans living together in peace, unfortunately, that isn't the reality of any city in our world at this moment in time.
3. At one point in time, I was standing outside of April's apartment with her Ethiopian friend having a conversation with our Georgian (Russia) Uber driver about the racial and prejudice divides we are surrounded by. This conversation meant the world to me, because the three of us are from different "worlds" and our minds and hearts have had such diverse experiences, yet we were able to speak respectfully to one another and truly listen to one another, and in the end, we were able to hug one another.
4. This statement was made to me which later sparked a conversation that has inspired this post. "I do not believe in marriage, because it is an institution." So, here it goes - my goal is to steer clear of politics and religion as much as possible and to explain what "The Institution of Marriage" means to me, because honestly, I have never thought of marriage as being an institution until this statement was audible.
According to the Merriam-Webster dictionary, institution means: an established organization; a place where an organization takes care of people for a usually long period of time; a custom, practice, or law that is accepted and used by many people. So, yea, I suppose by definition marriage is an institution. But, it's a LAME definition. It is so much more than that.
Growing up, I witnessed unhealthy marriages throughout my entire life, not just in my own home, but in the homes of my extended family and the homes of my friends. I grew up witnessing the exact definition of "institutionalized" marriage. So much so that as a young adult, I never wanted to get married. I always told my family and friends I'd be single forever, and that model and definition of institutionalized marriage I grew up witnessing was the reason why. I didn't know that at the time. But, after this weekend, I know that I was actually afraid of "the institution of marriage" and not actually afraid of marriage.
Yes, marriage is an established organization between two people. Yes, marriage is an organization where two people take care of each other for a usually long period of time. Yes, marriage is a custom, practice, or law that is accepted and used by many people. But, as I said before, it's so much more than that. In all of those definitions, marriage is breakable. Organizations can be broken. Customs, practices, and laws can be broken. Organizations, customs, practices, and laws can be defaced, disrespected, and devalued. I grew up exposed to broken institutions of marriage - not marriage.
Marriage is sacred. At times, it's sacrifice. Marriage is work. At times, it's easy work and at others it's hard work. Marriage is a pot of emotions and ups and downs. Marriage is friendship made between two kindred spirits. It is understanding and honesty. It is disagreements and teamwork. Marriage is deep rooted, connected at the soul kind of love that inspires you daily to be better. Marriage is far more than a definition of institution, and if it's treated as an institution it can and probably will fail. Institution erases the emotional commitment.
Emotional commitment is why I chose to add his last name to my family's name. I respect and value Matt and his love for me to the extent that I was willing to sacrifice Nadia Shannon Alley and become Nadia Alley Granger. Changing my legal name was a symbol of unity. It was a bridge built to connect our families, because we made the choice to connect our lives.
Society has lost sight/hold of emotional connection between human beings. We've lost sight of that sacred unity. We've gotten lazy, and instead of working hard to build something that is bigger than us, we're taking the easy way out and demolishing bridges that connect us rather than repairing them.
One of my best friends gave a toast at our wedding. She stated, "Nadia and Matt I'm so pleased to tell you that now you're the love role models. For your sisters, for your nieces and nephews, for anyone whose life you touch even infinitesimally. They will see it immediately. All who sees will strive to have the love you have." I pray she is correct. I pray we've broken the cycle of institutional marriage in my family and have set a standard for unbreakable marriage.
Beautiful, Nan!
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