teach.run.pray.

This blog topic is not on my list of ideas to write about. This blog post came to me today after a visit with my sister-in-law, Jenny. As I have mentioned in previous blogs, I made a promise to my God to be more present and to listen to His calling, and this blog post is a calling. So, I will start by telling you a few stories I shared with Jenny today. Story One My brother, Miles, has been on my mind an incredible amount of time lately. It started around my birthday, and this year it was really hard to celebrate my birthday without feeling absolutely emotional and quite frankly sad. The yearning to see Miles and talk to him hasn't been this strong in a really long time!  His birthday is May 24th and mine is May 25th, as you all know, if you read the blog post about it. On my birthday, I woke up feeling pretty heartbroken, because the desire to spend it with Miles was so bewitching. It was one of the last few days of school, so I decided I'd take my morning at a little...

Saturday morning my alarm blared at 6:30 a.m. It was a real struggle to get my ass out of bed. All I really wanted to do was sleep! I've been non-stop for over a month now, and my body has been attacking me for over a week. Abdominal and pelvic pain - GI issues - low back pain and swelling - bathroom problems - bloating - fatigue...misery. When I woke up, my stomach was still feeling out of sorts from Friday, and I just really wanted to be a sack of potatoes and forget about being healthy - my mind has a been in a bad place along with my body - so, I'm not sure what motivated me out of my bed Saturday morning, but something did; it had to be God, because it took Divine strength to get me out of that bed. I stumbled around our dark bedroom getting dressed, brushed my teeth, put my hair back, mixed my hydration powder with some water, put on my shoes, grabbed my watch and a towel (because I sweat like the dickens), and out the door I went. As I arrived at the traditional meetin...

Friday evening, we were standing on the walkway outside our front door chatting with our neighbors. Somehow the course of our conversation navigated back to last year when Matt & I got our concealed weapons permit (CWP), which conjured up a memory I'd like to share with you. Until meeting Matt, I had never really shot a gun before and had really never ever planned on shooting one. To be honest, I was a little afraid of them. I knew guns had to be respected and handled carefully. I grew up around other people shooting guns, but I always stood way back and just watched. Then, Matt decided he wanted to buy a gun to keep in our home. As soon as the words plopped out of his mouth, I responded with, "Well, you've got to teach me how to handle it and shoot it. Otherwise, no gun." I felt it would be irresponsible to have a gun in the house and not know anything about it. And, let's face it, our world is depressingly cray-cray, and I'm a lover, but I also want to...

On May 20th, I was basking in the rays and enjoying my first trip to the beach in over a year. I pulled out my journal and started writing as everyone around me was oiled up, playing in the sand and water, and drinking really cold drinks. I was literally the only person on the beach with a journal and a pen. It felt pretty amazing. It was the end of a very long stressful work week. I needed some down time, but I really missed Matt. Other than that, it was a perfect trip with my mom and sister.  My mom picked me up around 2:00 on Friday, and we hit the road the Tybee Island. I had a book in hand and got a little reading done on the way. But, I guess some people aren't comfortable with silence, so there was a lot of random talking and questioning going on. So, I just put my book away and went with it. When we arrived to Tybee, the pirate parade had just ended and everyone was out and about for Beach Bum - lots of drunk people were out and about. Lots of drunk 20 somethings were...

May 24th is a special day. May 24th is Miles's birthday. He would be 38 years old today. It has been nearly 20 years since we've shared a birthday cake together (in person at least).  May 24th is a special day. May 24th is the day Matt proposed. Three years ago today, I said yes to my best friend. May 24th is a day my heart cries both from heartache and joy. I yearn to celebrate my birthday alongside Miles's. There were many things I "hated" my brother for growing up. I always hated sharing chocolate chip cookie dough with him and my girl friends. We clashed and brawled like WWF (or is it WWE these days?) wrestlers. We chased each other all around the yard, with sticks, all for the last piece of raw cookie dough. Did I mention we loved raw cookie dough? But, one thing is for certain, I never minded sharing a birthday cake with him.    As we aged, and as I flourished into a more mature little sister, we cultivated a deep rooted relationship. See, he was...

Today has been a very mediocre day. At the grocery store tonight, the clerk asked if I had been having a good day. Since I've been working on being more honest about life, I responded with an honest answer, "It's been ok. Could be a lot worse. Could be better. It's just ok." It seemed to satisfy her enough. See, since my alarm went off this morning, it's just been an 'eh' kind of day. I woke up in an 'eh' kind of mood, and the 'eh-ness' just followed me through. So, here we go, from the beginning. The alarm blared and startled me out of sleep. Immediately I thought, "I can only hit snooze once. I must shower. I have duty this morning. There's no time for two snoozes." I hit snooze, and I was out. Then, another alarm blared. It wasn't mine. It was Matt's. I sneaked a peek at my alarm and saw I had nearly four more whole minutes. I closed my eyes and within those four whole minutes I started drifting off again. The...

What a whirlwind life has been lately. So many thoughts and ideas are just backstroking in my mind. I've debated which one needs to be written about first, and I've decided to write about the one that keeps swimming to the forefront. Back in August, I signed up for an online class put together by Elizabeth Gilbert, author of Eat Pray Love . I've got one or two more lessons to do, but the last lesson I completed was the start of this crazy perpetual movement in my life. It was back in January and the going was beyond rough. My stress level was the through the roof with my health and my job. I was depressed and unhappy. I really didn't like where I was in life and felt this deep rooted yearning for change. The problem was - the change I salivated for filled my heart with guilt. Deep deep down, I knew the change had to come with my job. My job was causing 75% of my stress, and I didn't know how to handle it anymore. It felt like any day I would have a breakdown or la...