pray. - In This Moment

It's my first day of spring break. I've chosen to spend it by listening to my heart's desires. So, this morning, I got out of bed around 9:00, because I could. I brushed my oily unwashed hair, pulled it back into a ponytail, left my pajamas on, brushed my teeth, let the dogs out, and stood in the kitchen debating what I wanted for breakfast. I decided on a fried egg sandwich. So, I pulled out an egg, onions, tomato, spinach, cheese, mayo, spicy mustard, a deli roll, strawberries, and a banana. I decided to toast the deli roll, so I threw it in the toaster. I shaved some cheese from the sharp cheddar block. I diced up some onions and tomatoes. I heated the skillet. When it was warm enough to melt butter, I threw some butter down and tossed the tomatoes and onions until the onions were clear. By that time, the deli roll was toasted. So, I spread a thin layer of mayo and spicy mustard on the bottom half and threw the onions and tomatoes onto the roll. Then, I tossed some spinach onto the skillet just long enough to wilt it. Then, I piled the spinach on top of the onions and tomatoes. Next, I cracked the egg and heard it sizzle as it hit the skillet. Turmeric, black pepper, cumin, sea salt, and garlic pepper sprinkled on top of the frying egg. As the egg was cooking on one side, I started up my coffee maker, then flipped the egg to other side. As my cup of decaf coffee was done brewing, my egg was perfectly cooked. So, I scooped it up, added it to the pile of goodness on my deli roll, and sprinkled it with cheese. I chopped up my strawberries and banana, grabbed my cup of coffee and my plate of deliciousness, and headed to the back porch. The dogs found a lounging spot in the sun. I grabbed my phone and turned on some music, The Flaming Lips - Yoshimi Battles the Pink Robots. I propped my feet up and started savoring every bite and relished in the morning sunshine. It was so peaceful. No rushing. No checklist of things to accomplish before 8 a.m. running through my brain. I was rested and calm and ready to meet the day. If only all mornings could start this way. I'd be a much more pleasant wife, sister, daughter, friend...human. 

How did society get to this point? How did it get to the point of work and your annual earnings becoming the deciding factor of "happiness?" I'll never forget my visit to Ireland. I was with three of my closest friends sitting at a booth in a bar in Galway. It was incredibly busy, and we were most definitely the token tourists in the place. Not only were we tourists, we were Americans. A group of three or four locals came and asked to share the booth with us, and of course, we said yes. See, it was the holiday in Ireland. It was a few days before the New Year, and everyone in Ireland, not just teachers, get a holiday for a couple of weeks. Retail stores do not extend their shopping hours; they reduce them. After 5 p.m. everything is closed except restaurants and bars. People go home and spend time with their family and friends. The streets were alive with cheer. Friends and families out together enjoying the holiday season - not shopping and dropping loads of money on unnecessary items that tend to be a social class indicator - just enjoying the company of other human beings. As we were all drinking our perfectly poured Guinness and chatting, I'll never forget the statement our new friends said to us. "You Americans live to work. The Irish work to live." That statement made a very profound impact on me. And, I'm constantly finding myself being that American who lives to work - and that's not the person I want to be. 

I watch European t.v. shows and notice the houses these people live in. Rarely do you find a lavish house like many Americans are going into debt for. I watch documentaries on the Nepalese who live in remote mountain villages and their spirits are unbreakable and their faith is unwavering. They are said to be some of the happiest people in the world, yet they live in shacks with no automobiles or designer clothes or Apple watches. When did living life become a competition with our neighbor? When did "keeping up with Joneses" become a real life mission for so many people? When did our society lose sight of the true meaning and purpose of life?

I've been reflecting on my life a great deal. How do I want others to remember me when I'm gone? What is my purpose in life? Am I living it out? Am I living a meaningful life? I've been trying to let these questions guide my decisions. And, what I've realized is I let fear of discomfort drive most of my decisions. Also, more often than I'd like to admit, I find myself thinking about what others will think of me, and in many cases, it impacts my decision making. 

I want to be a debt free person, because when I'm older I don't want to have to stress out about work. I want to be able to retire without regrets and spend every minute of everyday living a full life with my husband. I want to be a healthy person, not because it's the trendy thing to do, but because when I'm older I want to be able to get out and LIVE life with my husband. I want to be a world changer, because when I'm older I want to be able to say I was part of history. I want to love the world and give back to it, because the more people who love and give back, the better the world will be. I want to be kind to the environment, because I want future generations to be able to breathe clean air and go outdoors and see the ecosystem at work.

So, how do I mold myself into the person I want to be? How can I be a person who works to live? How can I be the change? 

In my heart, the answer sounds pretty simple. Choose purpose over materialism. Choose meaning over money. Choose wholeness over empty fears. Choose love over hate.

As I listened to The Flaming Lips and their wise lyrics, eating my breakfast in a peaceful state of mind, I couldn't help but thank God for that moment. He sent me reminders all last week, in the midst of a stressful work week filled with long work hours, that all we have is this moment, and it's up to us to live in the moment or to throw it away. I took several pictures this week that brought me pure joy in the moment. And, when I look back and reflect I see how far I've come and how far I've got to go in becoming that person who works to live. It's easy for me to get caught up in the day to day stresses of life, because I'm a high anxiety, worry personality. I like things to be simple, but life isn't always simple and it's full of ups and downs. To become the person I want to be, I've got learn to cherish the downs as much as I cherish the ups - without the downs there would be no ups. All we have is this moment with ourselves and those who surround us. So, in this moment what matters most? What has meaning and purpose? What puts me against my fears and makes me whole? What is love? What light am I bringing to the world?

As logic stands you couldn't meet a man

who's from the future

But logic broke as he appeared he spoke 

about the future

we're not going to make it he explained 

the end will come

you and me were never meant to be 

part of the future

All we have is now

All we've ever had is now

All we have is now

All we'll ever have is now

I noticed that he had a watch and hat 

that looked familiar

he was me from a dimension torn free

of the future

We're not gonna make it

He explained how the end will come

you and me were never meant to be 

part of the future

All we have is now

All we've ever had is now

All we have is now

All we'll ever have is now

- The Flaming Lips

God's first reminder: Beauty is everywhere. Live life in vibrant color.

God's second reminder: I took this picture on my way to work Friday. The sunrise was the most beautiful I had ever seen it. It was full of pinks, purples, navy, and orange. It looked like a painting. I didn't stop to take a picture, but as I got further down the road I decided to turn around, go back to the spot I first saw it, and snap one. When I got back the sun had risen higher and the colors were gone. I told my sister-in-law about it and her response, "God is saying enjoy this moment."

My husband and I were coming home from dinner Friday night. As we were approaching our house, he looked up and said, "Look at the moon. Do you see it?" It was gorgeous - hanging there in the midst of all these blooming trees as if God purposefully put it there. Another lyric by The Flaming Lips: You realize the sun doesn't go down/it's just an illusion caused by the world spinning round.