pray. - Prayer, Am I Doing It Right?
Growing up, my mom took my brother and me to church pretty much every Sunday, and we prayed at church. My brother and I prayed before dinner when staying at my Mammie's house and at our great Granny's house. Our mom and extended family talked to us about prayer and how important it was. But, for some reason, there wasn't tons of prayer going on as a family in my house. I think it mostly had to do with my dad. He didn't like church or anything that went with it. Plus, he was an alcoholic, so he didn't think about praying as much as he thought about drinking. I remember my mom praying with us when we'd hear his drunken steps coming through the door in the middle of the night, but we didn't pray before dinner. Praying together as a family just wasn't something we did much.
As I got older, I thought of prayer as something I was supposed to do as a Christian, but other than the praying I did as a child in church, or in my bedroom with my mom when we were scared of my dad, I didn't really have much experience with it. All I knew was the older I got the more I needed to talk to God, and so, I would carry on these conversations with Him in my head-constantly. I never really knew if I was praying or just thinking and hoping God would hear my thoughts.
A few years ago, a friend invited me to Starbucks with her to talk about my religious beliefs. She was curious. I was a little terrified to have this discussion with her, because we worked together, and I didn't want her to think of me as some crazy hoodlum, because let's face it, I didn't even know what my religious beliefs were. I didn't even know if I had been praying right all of my life. I hadn't gone to church, other than for weddings and funerals, since I was like 10 or something, and I had this inner animosity with church because of a few not so good experiences. So, I had no idea how I was going to have a religious discussion with this friend, but for some reason, I agreed to go to coffee and have it.
As expected, I was extremely intimidated. She had attended a Christian college and grew up going to church. She was extremely involved in her own church and knew so much more about the Bible than I did. Yet, she was open to listen to me talk about my experiences and the beliefs I had formed because of these experiences. She never interrupted me or made me feel anything but human. She answered questions and volunteered to read books from the Bible with me, so I could learn more. So, we started meeting weekly and would discuss what we had read and what it meant to us. Though, we came from very different backgrounds and life experiences, we were able to converse. We opened up new avenues of thought for each other.
We always ended our coffee discussions with prayer. She always led the prayers. And, the first time this happened, I remember feeling extremely uncomfortable praying together in such a public place like Starbucks. Then, a few months later, once I was getting more comfortable, we met a lady as we were approaching our cars in the parking lot. This lady needed help. She needed food and a place to stay for the night. She was a recovering drug addict. She was dirty and looked as though she had really lost hope in life. She had asked us for money, which neither of us had, but my friend offered to take her to dinner, and so I went with my friend, and we bought this lady dinner. We sat with her as she demolished the food in front of her. My friend told the lady about her church and where it was, so she could go by and possibly have a place to sleep for the night and a place to shower. Before we left the lady, my friend asked her if she could pray for her. And, in the middle of this extremely busy restaurant, where people were already staring at us because we had come in with this lady, my friend grabbed our hands and the three of us bowed our heads and prayed. I found myself feeling extremely vulnerable in this moment. My heart knew it was the right thing to do, but my mind couldn't stop thinking about all the people staring at us. I wasn't sure if I felt proud or embarrassed. All I knew was this was out of my comfort zone. Later on, I remember talking to my friend and admitting to her I wasn't sure if I had been doing this whole praying thing right all my life. I remember telling her I wasn't sure if I should talk out loud when I prayed, or if it was ok to talk to God in my thoughts, or if I should kneel beside my bed like you always imagine people doing, or if I could just lay in bed and do it. She smiled ever so gently and assured me there was no wrong way to pray and to do what felt right for me. I remember feeling so thankful (and relieved) when she told me that.
I tell you all these details about my experiences, or lack thereof, with prayer, because two weeks ago I had an experience that made me feel as vulnerable as I did when I admitted to not knowing how to pray the right way. Two Thursdays ago, I led my first FiA workout at a local park. At the end of each workout, the lead (or Q) asks the group if they have any prayer requests. So, I did just that. Then, the last thing we do is pray, and the Q leads the prayer. Two Thursdays ago, I experienced leading a prayer within a group of people for the first time in my life. I've always been the one listening to the prayer not giving it. I've never felt comfortable enough to be the one saying the prayer. Then, two Thursdays ago, I had to be the one saying the prayer. Talk about feeling vulnerable. I felt so vulnerable that I gave a disclosure before I started the prayer. I told the other two ladies to be patient with me, because I've never been the one to lead a prayer, so I hoped I would be ok at it. Last Thursday, I led another prayer, and I felt just as vulnerable, but it was a little easier to do. I guess prayer is a form of vulnerability, since you're allowing your heart to unfold it's truth and imperfections to something Divine, to something that you believe in, have faith in, and love, but to something you can't see or touch, to something mysteriously graceful and beautiful.
Prayer is the most powerful and loving gift we can give to one another. I believe in the power of prayer. The love which gives my life meaning and fills my own heart with love is proof God lies within us. What I've learned from all of these experiences is my friend was right. There is no wrong or right way to pray so long it feels right to you and comes from a place of love. So kneel by your bed or lay in it, talk to God on your way to and/or from work, bow to Him inside a mosque, or pray in the middle of a busy restaurant while patrons stare at you, but by all means pray.
As I got older, I thought of prayer as something I was supposed to do as a Christian, but other than the praying I did as a child in church, or in my bedroom with my mom when we were scared of my dad, I didn't really have much experience with it. All I knew was the older I got the more I needed to talk to God, and so, I would carry on these conversations with Him in my head-constantly. I never really knew if I was praying or just thinking and hoping God would hear my thoughts.
A few years ago, a friend invited me to Starbucks with her to talk about my religious beliefs. She was curious. I was a little terrified to have this discussion with her, because we worked together, and I didn't want her to think of me as some crazy hoodlum, because let's face it, I didn't even know what my religious beliefs were. I didn't even know if I had been praying right all of my life. I hadn't gone to church, other than for weddings and funerals, since I was like 10 or something, and I had this inner animosity with church because of a few not so good experiences. So, I had no idea how I was going to have a religious discussion with this friend, but for some reason, I agreed to go to coffee and have it.
As expected, I was extremely intimidated. She had attended a Christian college and grew up going to church. She was extremely involved in her own church and knew so much more about the Bible than I did. Yet, she was open to listen to me talk about my experiences and the beliefs I had formed because of these experiences. She never interrupted me or made me feel anything but human. She answered questions and volunteered to read books from the Bible with me, so I could learn more. So, we started meeting weekly and would discuss what we had read and what it meant to us. Though, we came from very different backgrounds and life experiences, we were able to converse. We opened up new avenues of thought for each other.
We always ended our coffee discussions with prayer. She always led the prayers. And, the first time this happened, I remember feeling extremely uncomfortable praying together in such a public place like Starbucks. Then, a few months later, once I was getting more comfortable, we met a lady as we were approaching our cars in the parking lot. This lady needed help. She needed food and a place to stay for the night. She was a recovering drug addict. She was dirty and looked as though she had really lost hope in life. She had asked us for money, which neither of us had, but my friend offered to take her to dinner, and so I went with my friend, and we bought this lady dinner. We sat with her as she demolished the food in front of her. My friend told the lady about her church and where it was, so she could go by and possibly have a place to sleep for the night and a place to shower. Before we left the lady, my friend asked her if she could pray for her. And, in the middle of this extremely busy restaurant, where people were already staring at us because we had come in with this lady, my friend grabbed our hands and the three of us bowed our heads and prayed. I found myself feeling extremely vulnerable in this moment. My heart knew it was the right thing to do, but my mind couldn't stop thinking about all the people staring at us. I wasn't sure if I felt proud or embarrassed. All I knew was this was out of my comfort zone. Later on, I remember talking to my friend and admitting to her I wasn't sure if I had been doing this whole praying thing right all my life. I remember telling her I wasn't sure if I should talk out loud when I prayed, or if it was ok to talk to God in my thoughts, or if I should kneel beside my bed like you always imagine people doing, or if I could just lay in bed and do it. She smiled ever so gently and assured me there was no wrong way to pray and to do what felt right for me. I remember feeling so thankful (and relieved) when she told me that.
I tell you all these details about my experiences, or lack thereof, with prayer, because two weeks ago I had an experience that made me feel as vulnerable as I did when I admitted to not knowing how to pray the right way. Two Thursdays ago, I led my first FiA workout at a local park. At the end of each workout, the lead (or Q) asks the group if they have any prayer requests. So, I did just that. Then, the last thing we do is pray, and the Q leads the prayer. Two Thursdays ago, I experienced leading a prayer within a group of people for the first time in my life. I've always been the one listening to the prayer not giving it. I've never felt comfortable enough to be the one saying the prayer. Then, two Thursdays ago, I had to be the one saying the prayer. Talk about feeling vulnerable. I felt so vulnerable that I gave a disclosure before I started the prayer. I told the other two ladies to be patient with me, because I've never been the one to lead a prayer, so I hoped I would be ok at it. Last Thursday, I led another prayer, and I felt just as vulnerable, but it was a little easier to do. I guess prayer is a form of vulnerability, since you're allowing your heart to unfold it's truth and imperfections to something Divine, to something that you believe in, have faith in, and love, but to something you can't see or touch, to something mysteriously graceful and beautiful.
Prayer is the most powerful and loving gift we can give to one another. I believe in the power of prayer. The love which gives my life meaning and fills my own heart with love is proof God lies within us. What I've learned from all of these experiences is my friend was right. There is no wrong or right way to pray so long it feels right to you and comes from a place of love. So kneel by your bed or lay in it, talk to God on your way to and/or from work, bow to Him inside a mosque, or pray in the middle of a busy restaurant while patrons stare at you, but by all means pray.
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