teach. run. pray. - The 'Eh' Days are Beautiful Days
Today has been a very mediocre day. At the grocery store tonight, the clerk asked if I had been having a good day. Since I've been working on being more honest about life, I responded with an honest answer, "It's been ok. Could be a lot worse. Could be better. It's just ok." It seemed to satisfy her enough. See, since my alarm went off this morning, it's just been an 'eh' kind of day. I woke up in an 'eh' kind of mood, and the 'eh-ness' just followed me through.
So, here we go, from the beginning. The alarm blared and startled me out of sleep. Immediately I thought, "I can only hit snooze once. I must shower. I have duty this morning. There's no time for two snoozes." I hit snooze, and I was out. Then, another alarm blared. It wasn't mine. It was Matt's. I sneaked a peek at my alarm and saw I had nearly four more whole minutes. I closed my eyes and within those four whole minutes I started drifting off again. The alarm blared. I jumped. I thought, "I must get up and shower. I have duty this morning." So, in a sleepy haze, I forced myself out of the warm cozy bed and got my day started.
I walked down the hallway like a zombie to let the dogs out, grabbed my washcloth and towel from the hallway linen closet, and walked into the bathroom closing the door behind me. I brushed my teeth. I hopped in the shower and relished in the warmth of the water and delighted in washing my face. Washing my face is one of my favorite things to do in my morning and night routines. I savored this shower time, but all I kept thinking was, "You have to hurry this morning. You have duty." So, I hurried.
I had an ulterior motive to my hurrying around. I did have morning duty, which means I had to arrive at work early to cover the fifth grade hallway as students arrive, it doesn't mean what my husband always laughs about when I say I have duty. (If you don't get the joke there...it's ok. It's a poop joke.) My ulterior motive was coffee - decaf of course with no sugar, just cream. Our PTO was showering us with Panera Bread bagels for breakfast, and I wanted coffee to go with them. A student had given me a Starbucks gift card, and I wanted to use it, so I had to make time to stop by Starbucks and get to school on time...for duty. I succeeded.
On my way to Starbucks, I received an email about another IEP meeting being scheduled for next week. That made nine for next week. Being the anxious ridden person I am, I started thinking about all the paperwork I had not completed and all the paperwork that needed completed. I kept telling myself it would all be ok, but for some reason, my brain wasn't really cooperating with my thoughts this morning. I did, however, get my Starbucks coffee, and it was starting to make things seem a little lighter.
I arrived at school 20 minutes early to duty. I unlocked my door and to my surprise there were papers everywhere. Then it hit me, yesterday afternoon on my way out, I spilled water all over my desk, which spilled all over my IEP paperwork, which meant I had laid it out everywhere to dry overnight. As I walked across the room to my desk, I gathered my papers. Once I reached my desk, I hit the power button on my laptop. Logged in. Double clicked Google Chrome. Clicked on Enrich, my IEP server. I received a message, "Down for maintenance. Try again in a few minutes." So, naturally, I tried again right then. Same message. I tried again every 2-3 minutes for the next 30 minutes (while sitting on the fifth grade hallway on duty), and the same message popped up. Aggravated. All my mind did was remind me of all the work I had to do, and now, I couldn't do it. Great.
A student of mine came by in the midst of my aggravated state. She was upset, because her mom couldn't get off work to be there for her Mighty Mustang Ceremony. She was distraught, "Who is going to be there for me?" I replied, "I will." She smiled and all was well in the world.
The bell rang. I darted for the bagels. I gathered my delicious cinnamon crunch bagel with hazelnut cream cheese and half a cheese bagel with veggie cream cheese - complaining the entire time about Enrich and playing out every worst case scenario with the speech therapist, who was conveniently in line behind me, bless her heart. Another teacher even chimed in, "We're sending you out with a bang." My shitty attitude walked back to my classroom with my sugary, fatty, nutrient-less, gluten filled breakfast. It was worth every morsel, calorie, and gram of fat.
The announcement for Might Mustangs to report to the cafeteria for the award ceremony played. So, I exited my room. No big deal. I couldn't do the work I needed to do anyway. I watched several of my students receive their awards. I was so proud of them. The stress was slowly melting away. After the awards were announced, I grabbed a Krispy Kreme doughnut with my student. More sugar. More calories. More grams of fat.
I returned to my room. A daunting email awaited me. "Enrich is down statewide. They are working very hard to get it up and going. They will try to have it up and running within a couple of hours, but there are no guarantees." Great. Aggravated, I walked to my fifth grade math inclusion class and complained to the teacher. Bless her heart. She listened. She supported me. She stayed positive. Then, music to my ears. I got news Enrich was back up. So, I ran down the hallway back to my room to print all the paperwork I needed for the days meetings - just in case it were to go out again.
Then, I returned to fifth grade for math inclusion realizing I had misplaced my iPad. My students advised me to retrace my steps. So, I did. Nowhere to be found. So, I taught. Converting metric units - King Henry Died By Drinking Chocolate Milk (kilo, hecto, deka, base, deci, centi, milli). And, so the lesson continued. iPad still missing.
Two out of three scheduled IEP meetings were rescheduled. Two out of three parents had sick children at home and couldn't attend meetings today. That's two IEP meetings that were pushed to next week to make 11 IEPs for next week. Aggravated.
I decided to sit in my room with the door closed and work. Take advantage of Enrich working. So, I worked. I typed up IEPs all afternoon. In the middle of typing IEPs were other small aggravations, but they were only aggravations because I was already aggravated and having an 'eh' day. Somewhere in all of that typing, I ate an entire Hershey's milk chocolate bar. Stress eating.
At 4:00, I shut things down. I headed home with a mission in mind. Run. Just go for a run.
I walked in the door of my house, and the first thing I do is snap at my husband - for NO reason. He calls me out. I remain silent and get ready for my run. I kiss him and out of the door I go.
I chose the hilly route. I chose to push myself. I chose to slow down when I need to, but I chose not to stop. I looked down at my watch. It said I had ran .37 miles at a 6:47 pace...it LIED!! No WAY possible. Aggravated, I reset it. Finally, it was correct. I started running again. My legs felt like lead. But, I kept telling myself, "One foot in front of the other. One step at a time. One second at a time. One minute at a time." Eventually, I started to find my rhythm. I stopped looking at my watch, relaxed my shoulders, and ran. Slowing down when I needed to - but never stopped.
As I pushed up those long hills I kept thinking about how temporary the pain was. On the other side of this hill was a downhill - a rest. Take advantage of it, I kept saying. Then, my mind starting thinking about my run as a metaphor for my day, for my week, for the days to come. Take each uphill as it comes. Slow down if you need too but don't stop pushing. The pain is temporary. There is a downhill. Be patient. You are strong. So, with each uphill battle of my run, there was a connection to life. And, suddenly, I started to feel stronger. My speed picked up. My pain started to melt away - even on the climbs uphill.
Sweat was dripping off my arms and hitting my leg as it fell toward the ground. When I got back home, I stretched - feeling 100 pounds lighter. Each drop of sweat was a piece of stress and aggravation melting away. For the first time, all day, my mind turned positive. I started complimenting myself for my strength. I didn't want to drink an entire bottle of wine and eat brownies and ice cream and french fries. I felt the sweat drip into my eyes stinging them. I kept wiping my face. I convinced myself to do 5 minutes of core strengthening and at the end I just laid on my yoga mat in shavasana for two minutes. When my mind began drifting, about every 10 seconds, the words which poured into me were, "I am strong. I am courageous." And, so, those two sentences were my mantra for two minutes. The fastest, most relaxing, two minutes of my day. I should've taken a five minute shavasana, but my stomach was growling.
We decided on subs for dinner. I went to Publix to pick up our online order. They weren't ready. The deli was out of fresh baked bread. I got aggravated, so I told them not to worry about it. I called Matt. We discussed other options. Quickly, I got aggravated again and snappy. It wasn't Matt's fault, yet, I treated him as though it was. Eventually, it all worked out. We got dinner. We apologized. We declared our love for one another. He gave me a hug when I walked in the door from the grocery store. We made dinner together and ate dinner together. I drank ONE glass of wine, washed my face, and got myself ready to blog and go to bed.
So, I gave you every intricate detail of my day, because it all weaved into a powerful run for me. While running today, I literally experienced the phrases, "It's an uphill battle," and "Life is full of ups and downs." I always felt like I understood these metaphors for life - until today. Today, this figurative language became literal, and the literalness of it all brought true meaning of these phrases to light.
Life truly is an uphill battle at times, but the ups make the downs worth it. The hard work you put into the uphill battle makes the downhill breeze that much cooler. Without struggles, loving the life we live wouldn't mean nearly as much.
Embrace the 'eh' days because eventually they turn into beautiful days. Be strong. Be courageous - always.
So, here we go, from the beginning. The alarm blared and startled me out of sleep. Immediately I thought, "I can only hit snooze once. I must shower. I have duty this morning. There's no time for two snoozes." I hit snooze, and I was out. Then, another alarm blared. It wasn't mine. It was Matt's. I sneaked a peek at my alarm and saw I had nearly four more whole minutes. I closed my eyes and within those four whole minutes I started drifting off again. The alarm blared. I jumped. I thought, "I must get up and shower. I have duty this morning." So, in a sleepy haze, I forced myself out of the warm cozy bed and got my day started.
I walked down the hallway like a zombie to let the dogs out, grabbed my washcloth and towel from the hallway linen closet, and walked into the bathroom closing the door behind me. I brushed my teeth. I hopped in the shower and relished in the warmth of the water and delighted in washing my face. Washing my face is one of my favorite things to do in my morning and night routines. I savored this shower time, but all I kept thinking was, "You have to hurry this morning. You have duty." So, I hurried.
I had an ulterior motive to my hurrying around. I did have morning duty, which means I had to arrive at work early to cover the fifth grade hallway as students arrive, it doesn't mean what my husband always laughs about when I say I have duty. (If you don't get the joke there...it's ok. It's a poop joke.) My ulterior motive was coffee - decaf of course with no sugar, just cream. Our PTO was showering us with Panera Bread bagels for breakfast, and I wanted coffee to go with them. A student had given me a Starbucks gift card, and I wanted to use it, so I had to make time to stop by Starbucks and get to school on time...for duty. I succeeded.
On my way to Starbucks, I received an email about another IEP meeting being scheduled for next week. That made nine for next week. Being the anxious ridden person I am, I started thinking about all the paperwork I had not completed and all the paperwork that needed completed. I kept telling myself it would all be ok, but for some reason, my brain wasn't really cooperating with my thoughts this morning. I did, however, get my Starbucks coffee, and it was starting to make things seem a little lighter.
I arrived at school 20 minutes early to duty. I unlocked my door and to my surprise there were papers everywhere. Then it hit me, yesterday afternoon on my way out, I spilled water all over my desk, which spilled all over my IEP paperwork, which meant I had laid it out everywhere to dry overnight. As I walked across the room to my desk, I gathered my papers. Once I reached my desk, I hit the power button on my laptop. Logged in. Double clicked Google Chrome. Clicked on Enrich, my IEP server. I received a message, "Down for maintenance. Try again in a few minutes." So, naturally, I tried again right then. Same message. I tried again every 2-3 minutes for the next 30 minutes (while sitting on the fifth grade hallway on duty), and the same message popped up. Aggravated. All my mind did was remind me of all the work I had to do, and now, I couldn't do it. Great.
A student of mine came by in the midst of my aggravated state. She was upset, because her mom couldn't get off work to be there for her Mighty Mustang Ceremony. She was distraught, "Who is going to be there for me?" I replied, "I will." She smiled and all was well in the world.
The bell rang. I darted for the bagels. I gathered my delicious cinnamon crunch bagel with hazelnut cream cheese and half a cheese bagel with veggie cream cheese - complaining the entire time about Enrich and playing out every worst case scenario with the speech therapist, who was conveniently in line behind me, bless her heart. Another teacher even chimed in, "We're sending you out with a bang." My shitty attitude walked back to my classroom with my sugary, fatty, nutrient-less, gluten filled breakfast. It was worth every morsel, calorie, and gram of fat.
The announcement for Might Mustangs to report to the cafeteria for the award ceremony played. So, I exited my room. No big deal. I couldn't do the work I needed to do anyway. I watched several of my students receive their awards. I was so proud of them. The stress was slowly melting away. After the awards were announced, I grabbed a Krispy Kreme doughnut with my student. More sugar. More calories. More grams of fat.
I returned to my room. A daunting email awaited me. "Enrich is down statewide. They are working very hard to get it up and going. They will try to have it up and running within a couple of hours, but there are no guarantees." Great. Aggravated, I walked to my fifth grade math inclusion class and complained to the teacher. Bless her heart. She listened. She supported me. She stayed positive. Then, music to my ears. I got news Enrich was back up. So, I ran down the hallway back to my room to print all the paperwork I needed for the days meetings - just in case it were to go out again.
Then, I returned to fifth grade for math inclusion realizing I had misplaced my iPad. My students advised me to retrace my steps. So, I did. Nowhere to be found. So, I taught. Converting metric units - King Henry Died By Drinking Chocolate Milk (kilo, hecto, deka, base, deci, centi, milli). And, so the lesson continued. iPad still missing.
Two out of three scheduled IEP meetings were rescheduled. Two out of three parents had sick children at home and couldn't attend meetings today. That's two IEP meetings that were pushed to next week to make 11 IEPs for next week. Aggravated.
I decided to sit in my room with the door closed and work. Take advantage of Enrich working. So, I worked. I typed up IEPs all afternoon. In the middle of typing IEPs were other small aggravations, but they were only aggravations because I was already aggravated and having an 'eh' day. Somewhere in all of that typing, I ate an entire Hershey's milk chocolate bar. Stress eating.
At 4:00, I shut things down. I headed home with a mission in mind. Run. Just go for a run.
I walked in the door of my house, and the first thing I do is snap at my husband - for NO reason. He calls me out. I remain silent and get ready for my run. I kiss him and out of the door I go.
I chose the hilly route. I chose to push myself. I chose to slow down when I need to, but I chose not to stop. I looked down at my watch. It said I had ran .37 miles at a 6:47 pace...it LIED!! No WAY possible. Aggravated, I reset it. Finally, it was correct. I started running again. My legs felt like lead. But, I kept telling myself, "One foot in front of the other. One step at a time. One second at a time. One minute at a time." Eventually, I started to find my rhythm. I stopped looking at my watch, relaxed my shoulders, and ran. Slowing down when I needed to - but never stopped.
As I pushed up those long hills I kept thinking about how temporary the pain was. On the other side of this hill was a downhill - a rest. Take advantage of it, I kept saying. Then, my mind starting thinking about my run as a metaphor for my day, for my week, for the days to come. Take each uphill as it comes. Slow down if you need too but don't stop pushing. The pain is temporary. There is a downhill. Be patient. You are strong. So, with each uphill battle of my run, there was a connection to life. And, suddenly, I started to feel stronger. My speed picked up. My pain started to melt away - even on the climbs uphill.
Sweat was dripping off my arms and hitting my leg as it fell toward the ground. When I got back home, I stretched - feeling 100 pounds lighter. Each drop of sweat was a piece of stress and aggravation melting away. For the first time, all day, my mind turned positive. I started complimenting myself for my strength. I didn't want to drink an entire bottle of wine and eat brownies and ice cream and french fries. I felt the sweat drip into my eyes stinging them. I kept wiping my face. I convinced myself to do 5 minutes of core strengthening and at the end I just laid on my yoga mat in shavasana for two minutes. When my mind began drifting, about every 10 seconds, the words which poured into me were, "I am strong. I am courageous." And, so, those two sentences were my mantra for two minutes. The fastest, most relaxing, two minutes of my day. I should've taken a five minute shavasana, but my stomach was growling.
We decided on subs for dinner. I went to Publix to pick up our online order. They weren't ready. The deli was out of fresh baked bread. I got aggravated, so I told them not to worry about it. I called Matt. We discussed other options. Quickly, I got aggravated again and snappy. It wasn't Matt's fault, yet, I treated him as though it was. Eventually, it all worked out. We got dinner. We apologized. We declared our love for one another. He gave me a hug when I walked in the door from the grocery store. We made dinner together and ate dinner together. I drank ONE glass of wine, washed my face, and got myself ready to blog and go to bed.
So, I gave you every intricate detail of my day, because it all weaved into a powerful run for me. While running today, I literally experienced the phrases, "It's an uphill battle," and "Life is full of ups and downs." I always felt like I understood these metaphors for life - until today. Today, this figurative language became literal, and the literalness of it all brought true meaning of these phrases to light.
Life truly is an uphill battle at times, but the ups make the downs worth it. The hard work you put into the uphill battle makes the downhill breeze that much cooler. Without struggles, loving the life we live wouldn't mean nearly as much.
Embrace the 'eh' days because eventually they turn into beautiful days. Be strong. Be courageous - always.
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